Making the Decision to go to Uganda: Lori's Story

To me, this is where the story gets really fun! Let me first give you some back story and then I'll lead you to the day that I decided I was going to Uganda. For about a year or more, I've been talking with my friend, Sarah Ledford, about the trips she had taken and was planning to take to Uganda. I actually prayerfully considered going with her team in September 2009. I REALLY wanted to go, and I really thought I was supposed to go on that trip. Things were falling nicely into place with work, childcare, finances, etc. God had other plans for me, however, and I kept feeling like He was telling me, "Yes, but not now," meaning for me that, yes he wants me to go on mission, but not on this trip. I questioned for a while whether He was calling me to go somewhere else, work with another population instead of orphans, etc. I kept praying about it and kept talking with Sarah about the trips and the amazing things God was doing through the teams in Uganda.

A month or so after the team got back from the trip I thought I would be on in Sept. 09, they did a talk at Bethel United Methodist Church in Winston-Salem. This was on Sunday, November 8. Sarah called me at the last minute to tell me they were doing the talk at 5:00pm. I actually had Bunco with a group of ladies that night, but it didn't start until 6:00pm so I figured I would go hear the team talk and then head on over to Bunco. Little did I know that God had a different plan for my evening!

Overwhelmed is not a strong enough word for what I felt while the team was talking, showing pictures, telling stories, and sharing how God is at work in Uganda. I remember feeling like I was in a time warp...like there was nothing else going on in the world at that moment except for the stories of these orphans in Uganda. At the end of their talk, David, the pastor at Bethel UMC and one of the Uganda trip team members, said something very poignant that still resonates with me today. He said (and I'm paraphrasing), "If your life isn't dramatically different from before you accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior to after, then we need to talk." My life hadn't been that different at all and at that moment the proverbial Holy 2-by-4 hit me square between the eyes. The team finished up around 7:30 and I immediately left the church. Not so I could catch the tail-end of Bunco, but because I was sure I would burst into tears at any moment. In fact, Sarah later told me that she looked at me when I was telling her goodbye and she said that I looked "burdened."

I got in the car and drove no further than to the end of the parking lot and I was crying. I'm not talking about just a few tears, I'm talking full-on, 100% SOBBING. I was overcome with emotions about the stories I had heard, the pictures, about the evidence of Good and Evil, and then what David said just kept ringing in my ears. I honestly cannot remember a time where I fully surrendered myself to my emotions as much as I did that night.

Mind you, I was DRIVING at this time. It's only by the Grace of God that I didn't kill myself or someone else in the midst of having this breakdown. In my car I was crying out to God, praying out loud, and literally yelling to Him, "I want to experience YOU like that...I want my life to be different and to have a drastic life-changing event like these people experienced...I want You to work in me like You did with them...why can't I have this?" I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs with tears streaming down my face.

At that moment, a very soft, kind, gentle, calm thought blanketed me and literally calmed my soul in the blink of an eye. Deep in my heart I heard a voice that simply said, "I've given this gift to you; all you have to do is receive it." This was the first time I can say that I've unmistakably heard the voice of God.

The same weekend as the talk on Sunday, I had attended the Women of Faith Conference in Greensboro on the Friday and Saturday prior (on a random side note, Mandisa and Steven Curtis Chapman were awesome!!). One of my favorite Christian parenting authors, Lisa Whelchel (you may remember her as "Blair" on the television show, Facts of Life), explained what it has been like in her life when she's undeniably heard the voice of God. She said it sounds like her own voice, but she knows it's not her own voice because it's much calmer and wiser, and usually she's not feeling the least bit calm or wise when she hears it. Her description is exactly what I felt on the car ride home that night. I didn't hear some booming voice opening up from the heavens, no angel visited me, and I did not see a burning bush, but what I did hear was a quiet voice in my soul, almost a whisper, among the tears, hysteria, and chaos that I was feeling at the time. This voice was so peaceful, wise, and clear as a bell.

Nothing I had ever heard either with my ears or within my mind was as clear as this, and I felt like no greater command had ever been placed in my life for that moment in time. I decided right then and there that it was no coincidence that I was at that church on that night to hear about that trip from those people. I also decided that God had placed me there "for a time such as this" (Esther 4:14) so that He could make it clear to me the gift He had given me.

With tears in my eyes, I got home just in time to give my sweet little boy,Whit, a goodnight kiss. Kevin could see that I had been crying, but I assured him as I walked into the door that these were "good tears" because I could see the look of panic on his face! After Whit was asleep, we sat down on the couch and I told him everything about my evening. Every story I could remember, every word that I could remember, every picture I had seen, and then of course everything about the car ride home. I was nervous as I told him that I really thought I was supposed to go on the next trip to Uganda with the team in May 2010 because I was unsure of what his reaction would be. He was supportive several months before when I thought I would go in September, but I wasn't sure if he still felt that way. I was also nervous about whether or not he would think I had made a rash decision without thinking things through (or talking with him), but I was so excited when he said he too thought I should go.

It's been 12 days now since I decided that I'm going on the trip, and it's been some of the best 12 days of my life. I'm anxious to leave tomorrow, but know that God timed this out to give Him 6 months to prepare me to go. Of course Satan's already been hard at work on me, making me question what "role" I will have on the trip, whether I'm spiritually mature enough to witness to others or to be a part of the team (that's one of the things that impressed me about the people on the September trip), and of course worries about how we're going to pay for the trip, which will likely cost about $3k per person.

I keep reading 1 Corinthians 2:15 (this version is from the Message): "You'll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God's master stroke, I didn't try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified.  I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else."

As a public speaking instructor, this passage speaks to me on so many different levels. My prayer is that God will work on my feeling of inadequacy and that while I'm in Uganda the Message will come through anyway, even though I'm certain I'll be nervous, feeling like I'm not spiritually mature enough to be witnessing to others, and sure that nothing I'm saying will impress or convince anyone of anything.

This is one of the largest leaps of faith I've ever taken in my life. I can't wait for you to hear how Kevin decided to jump with me!